My dive into Therianthropy

I have recently taken to exploring and being more open about a belief of mine that has affected me for a long time. I have always felt a weird disassociation with myself that exploring previously led me down things that did more harm than good, but I'm no longer a confused teenager. Now growing up and much more mature, I decided to take a new look.

What is Therianthropy? The answer can vary for some, but it is generally someone who identifies partially or completely with another animal or creature. This identification can be physiological or spiritual, with physiological often identifying more mentally, while spiritual often identifying with through a connection with a past-life.

I've always felt very detached from my own body and mind. I don't feel like I'm always all here, and I never have. Simply scratching an itch feels unnatural. My entire body always feels numb and unknown to me. I've in the past chalked this up to just extreme disassociation but there is always something more. It's not just that I don't feel my body is apart of me, but I feel like it is wrong, like I'm not meant to be human. I feel something there, I see around me, but it is never what is actually present.

It is very difficult to put these feelings and experiences into words. I spent years trying to cover it up and ignore it, having a bad taste from a community years ago that wasn't healthy for me and affected my teenage years. I figured as time would move on that I would feel more normal or get used to it, but that hasn't been the case. If this is what normal feels like, I hate it.

I have dug a lot into myself within the last month, and with reasonable hesitation, I have decided to accept this. I have concluded that the animal I identify with the most is a Wolfdog. This feels right, it feels good, and I am very confident and comfortable with this discover. I don't really care for specifics like breed and coat, but if I just close my eyes and imagine it all, paws feel natural, howling sounds like music, fur feels comforting, the nose seems like almost another kind of sight, and sounds are beautiful. It is something I will probably only be able to imagine, but it feels good to have an answer.

So, what does this mean? Am I going to start howling at the night, walking on fours, eating from a bowl, wearing a collar? Not really. I guess it is really more of a label to describe a big part of me than anything. In all honesty, I feel like I'm a bit crazy, but I also think this is a good thing. It helps to keep me balanced. As much as I hate it, I want to stick to reality. I'm not saying I won't partake in something crazy regarding this, but I'd keep it appropriate and behind closed doors.

With this discovery and post, the site has been updated to reflect it. I've stripped out my old dragon persona that has been haunting me since I was 13. The new home banner (and also my profile picture for a lot of places) was drawn by me and inspired greatly by the style of Traveler. I don't plan on making any other posts about this topic, although I'd be willing to answer emails as a mail-time if you have questions.